Held

 Held

They gave me a title before they gave me a goodbye

Called me “Teacher of the Year: 

Like it was a crown that couldn’t slip.


I believed they chose me as much as I chose them

Believed in the applause, the handshakes, and the nods 

That said , “you matter here!”

Maybe my grief began when I trusted again


It’s never about one loss

Not a job

Not people

Not a place that once felt like purpose

That tried to stitch stitched itself into my soul as if it were my


No- 

It’s about the moment I realized I was temporary again

When I was told I was essential

It’s about another ending season that didn’t announce itself. 


The part no one prepared you for is
How something can celebrate you and still let you go

How people  can see your heart and still release you without trembling

It’s not just grieving the breathing

It’s grieving believing words again.


–Then the memories flood in–

Friendships that felt like family until they felt like distance

Relationships that spoke in for ever until they were translated into “for now”

The spaces that said you belong until belonging meant without boundaries


And if I’m honest, which I am

I could feel season shift before they had the courage to call my name


My grief isn’t just for a place

Its for the certainty that was place in my hand asking me to hold it like it wouldn’t break

I did

I held it

Like it was sacred until my hands were empty echoing another loss 

I grieved the version of me

Who believe I found something  lasting again

Who thought being chosen once meant being chosen

Again

And again

And again


But seasons- 

They don’t ask permission to change

They don’t stay because you are loyal or deserving

They just turn


So I learned….

Maybe it was real for that moment 

Maybe the prayers  spoken were  from God

Or maybe

I was never meant to stay

Not because I wasn’t enough

But because God had a better season waiting for me  


I hold something lasting now

Not temporary titles

Not other’s permissions

Not fragile promises


I hold what does not change  when others do

I hold the proof that I showed up

That I poured out

That I was faithful when others weren't 

AND GOD!

God replaces more than what was lost

Not in the same shape

Not in the same place

Not in the same people

Because I wasn’t  theirs to keep

My purpose will always be held in God’s hands.

S. Ambrose, 2026


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