Held
Held
They gave me a title before they gave me a goodbye
Called me “Teacher of the Year:
Like it was a crown that couldn’t slip.
I believed they chose me as much as I chose them
Believed in the applause, the handshakes, and the nods
That said , “you matter here!”
Maybe my grief began when I trusted again
It’s never about one loss
Not a job
Not people
Not a place that once felt like purpose
That tried to stitch stitched itself into my soul as if it were my
No-
It’s about the moment I realized I was temporary again
When I was told I was essential
It’s about another ending season that didn’t announce itself.
The part no one prepared you for is
How something can celebrate you and still let you go
How people can see your heart and still release you without trembling
It’s not just grieving the breathing
It’s grieving believing words again.
–Then the memories flood in–
Friendships that felt like family until they felt like distance
Relationships that spoke in for ever until they were translated into “for now”
The spaces that said you belong until belonging meant without boundaries
And if I’m honest, which I am
I could feel season shift before they had the courage to call my name
My grief isn’t just for a place
Its for the certainty that was place in my hand asking me to hold it like it wouldn’t break
I did
I held it
Like it was sacred until my hands were empty echoing another loss
I grieved the version of me
Who believe I found something lasting again
Who thought being chosen once meant being chosen
Again
And again
And again
But seasons-
They don’t ask permission to change
They don’t stay because you are loyal or deserving
They just turn
So I learned….
Maybe it was real for that moment
Maybe the prayers spoken were from God
Or maybe
I was never meant to stay
Not because I wasn’t enough
But because God had a better season waiting for me
I hold something lasting now
Not temporary titles
Not other’s permissions
Not fragile promises
I hold what does not change when others do
I hold the proof that I showed up
That I poured out
That I was faithful when others weren't
AND GOD!
God replaces more than what was lost
Not in the same shape
Not in the same place
Not in the same people
Because I wasn’t theirs to keep
My purpose will always be held in God’s hands.
S. Ambrose, 2026
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